me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
