And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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