He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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