what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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