thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
