I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
