Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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