my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
