low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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