how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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