The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
