Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
