I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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