Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
