i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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