you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
