if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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