Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize