what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
