is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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