I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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