Apparently you make a good broom.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
