That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
