Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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