and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
