You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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