Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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