we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
