ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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