If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
