When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
