woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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