So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
