I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
