So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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