Have you finally orgasmed yet?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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