Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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