i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
