That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
