I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
