it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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