i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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