Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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