Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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