Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that's an acceptable place to lick
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
