Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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