In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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