So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
