Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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