i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
