Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
