I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
