Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
