Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
