He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
