After last night, I could never be a politician.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
