Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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