My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
