you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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