So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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