You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize