Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
