Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize