They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry about my life...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
