What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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