But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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