I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
