i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
