people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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