..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
