I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We talked him into tasing himself.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
