i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
