i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
