who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
