Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
