how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
