we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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