I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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