dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
