I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
